Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
