how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry about my life...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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