i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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