he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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