I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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