i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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