smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
