when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
