I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
BRING THE BAGELS
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
