But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
