I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
