ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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