Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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