I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
