I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
