Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
