I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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