Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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