i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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