Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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