Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize