By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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