Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
