just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
tell me about the eggs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
