I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
