Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
