Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
