If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
