Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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