do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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