i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How external is "for external use only"?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think your dad took our porno
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
