Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
