any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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