New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
