How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
