Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
