I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
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We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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