What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
