you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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