He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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