i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
