my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
