Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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