So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize