i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
