I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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