I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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