please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
