So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
