Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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