She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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