the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
