i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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