if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
