You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
