I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize