just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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