I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He passed out mid-signature
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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