She said her name was "party"
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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